Allison's Christmas Gift Classification

So another Christmas has come and gone and as such it is time for the first ever Gift Classification Guide to help you interpret what all of those gifts from neighbors, friends, and family mean. Gift giving is hard, and it is definitely an art that I have yet to master, but I am pretty much an expert analyzer, so here goes:

1. The George Costanza AKA the Charity Case: This gift usually comes in the form of small card saying that so and so has donated to a charity in your name. Although charities are great, receiving this so called gift is overwhelmingly disappointing...especially if you've put a lot of time, effort or money into a gift for that individual's gift. But hopefully the charity you've been forced to support is for a good cause and actually exists.

2. The Creed Bratton: Is your gift wrapped in a plastic bag? Is it four sizes too small? Is is smelly or old? This is the type of last minute gift where someone has forgotten all about getting you a present and digs something out of their closet. Receiving nothing would be a better gift...

3. The Martha Stewart: This is a gift not of love, but of labor. The Martha Stewart gift giver is known to distribute projects that require some kind of do-it-yourself component. Often this type of gift giver is overestimating your abilities or in my case my time management skills needed to set apart enough time to make that batch of cookies in a jar...

4.The Overachiever: The overachiever gives gift of guilt: these homemade presents make you feel guilty that you didn't put enough thought into your store bought present.

5. The asked for gift: the gift that you asked for from Santa and finally got. Can sometimes be a bit of a let-down, especially if you've been asking for it for a while. Why is it that anticipation is almost always more fun than actually receiving? Or perhaps anticipation isn't all that great, but we just don't know what to do with something once we actually get it.

6. The Twins aka Doppleganger: Receiving the exact same present as someone else: not a great feeling.

8. The D.I. (thrift store) gift: ever got a present and you immediately knew you hated it but couldn't return it and decided to send it straight to a thrift store?Then you've received a D.I. gift. These are often white elephant presents, but can turn up in deceptively appealing places as well (such as under your tree Christmas morning).

9 Cash: This gift is more ambiguous than it may appear. While cash is a pretty universally appreciated gift, I have some sort of mutated responsibility gene that makes it almost impossible to use Christmas cash for something fun and spontaneous. Rather I feel like I need to use that cash to help build up my stock portfolio or pay off my student loans. Oddly enough, returning a gift and receiving cash in return doesn't seem to inspire this kind of shoulder-Angel bickering as simply receiving cash.