Monday, September 26, 2011

Space Invaders and Cheetos

So tonight we had a Stake YSA Family Home Evening. It was called "Screen on the Green" and we watched What's Up Doc? on the lawn outside of the church (well, sort of...half way through the sprinklers came on, and half the audience got wet, which fortunately didn't include me as I probably would have frozen to death as I was already freezing. We then moved to the cultural hall where we finished the movie).
I was excited for this activity because I really liked the movie choice, and its always fun to watch movies outside. So, even though I didn't have anyone to go with, I decided that it would be worth it going Han style (Solo....Yes that is a super lame joke and yet it is so awesome at the same time).
Now I need to preface this next part with the fact that I have some pretty strict personal space issues. I should probably start wearing a sign declaring to the world what expectations I have of them when they are in my personal vicinity, because honestly most people don't seem to get it.
I got to the activity early and found a nice spot with a good angle to view the screen. I laid out my blanket and pillow and had a nice strip of grass around the four sides of my blanket. I left my stuff and went to go get some snacks. When I returned there was a blanket set up right next to my blanket. In fact it was TOUCHING my blanket. Needless to say, my blanket and I felt very violated.
The offending blanket's owners were not there, but it made me feel uncomfortable knowing that complete strangers would be lying down right next to me. Ugh!
Things only got personal space was invaded...and I couldn't perform a battle attack against these invaders because they are my fellow children of God and I need to be nice (and also because I try to hide my crazy and try not yell at people and start hitting moronic individuals who put their feet on my blanket. Even though they totally deserve it.)
The original space invader is actually a member of my ward, but we've never met. As the movie finally started, space invader #1 started talking with space invader #2 (the girl directly behind me, and one of the feet-on-Allison's-blanket culprits--yes, there was more than one!). Subsequently ten mintues later they were asking each other what was going on in the movie (huh, yeah, it is hard to follow a plot when you're NOT PAYING ATTENTION!).
As I was enjoying some of the Cheetos that had been provided for the activity, space invader #1 blurted out "Cheetos!" I thought that he was going to ask me for some of my Cheetos, which I thought was weird, but hey, Cheetos are good so I couldn't fault the guy too much.
I was mistaken.
I now have a new nickname: "Cheetos"
He wanted to ask me what was happening in the movie, and he knew that if he shouted out "Cheetos" he would get my attention. Unfortunately for me, it worked...he did get my attention as well as the attention of two other girls (and the offenders of the 'nobody's feet on Allison's blanket but Allison''s rule) who started joking about how he had called me "Cheetos." (Yay--Look Mom, I'm making friends!)
As a Jane Austen addict, and also because I am currently re-reading Pride and Prejudice and even read the Darcy proposal scene today, I couldn't help but think that this type of situation would never have happened in the days of Pride and Prejudice. Even at his most prideful, Darcy was always civil, and he respected people. Also, my little nickname christening tonight would never have even happened back then because people didn't interact unless they were properly introduced. It would have been awesome if the guy had tapped me on the shoulder, introduced himself and asked for my name, and then asked his questions about the movie.
I do realize that Pride and Prejudice is fictional. I don't expect the world to be like how Jane Austen portrayed it in her novels (although she did have great insight into human nature). It would be nice though to move back to people having manners.
On the plus side, maybe I can work out a part-time mascot gig and start endorsing Cheetos. I'm sure that Chester could do with a vacation...

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Sugar Shock

I’m pretty sure that one of the worst pains that can be experienced in this life is when you are trying to catch Skittles in your mouth and they bonk into your teeth.

Granted this is coming from someone who has never borne a child, but I don’t feel like categorizing Skittles-induced pain in this manner is an exaggeration. Perhaps I should contact the candy companies and get a warning label put on the packaging:

Warning!: This product can cause tooth aches in the following ways: 1) cavities 2) extreme pain in the event of you trying to catch the candies thrown at you by your friends or self, and 3) being punched in the mouth by a deranged person trying to steal the product in order to “Taste the Rainbow.”

Sunday, September 11, 2011

My Roommate Doesn’t Hate Me, Yet

Unfotunately this blog post is not indicative of some kind of childish prank that I pulled on my roommate that she has yet to discover. Rather, this is a derivative of a direct quote by said roommate one morning. And as my roommate has no semblance of a sense of humor, I am sad to say that she was quite serious in expressing this sentiment.

Why did this rather rude statement arise? Rent is due on the 5th of the month by 6:00 pm (she probably thinks that this fact is all my doing and my fault). For the month of September, the 5th fell on Labor Day. I had been out of town for the long holiday weekend, during which I remembered that rent was due on Monday. I wrote out a check so that I wouldn’t forget to drop it off at the manager’s apartment when I returned home Monday night. That evening, I arrived home and unpacked and tried to unwind. By a stroke of luck I remembered to go pay my rent. The next day I found out that both my roommates had forgotten to pay, and unfortunately for my roommates, the manager’s decided that this month would be a good month to crack down on late payments (which is really terrible considering that the fifth day of the month fell on a holiday) hence my roommates were hit with a hefty late fee of $75. On hearing this (and also that I had already paid and had avoided the late fee) my roommate H was angry. I felt bad about the late fee, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it, so I escaped to my room. The next morning I got the full story:

She called the managers (way after hours) to complain about the late fee. She was able to talk them out of it (a feat which my other roommate S was not able to do). I was informed that since she didn’t have to pay the late fee, that she didn’t hate me, yet.

H told me that we needed to remind each other about rent being due, and then said that on the 4th that we would put up notes reminding people to pay (my mother offered a brilliant suggestion to this: start a countdown three weeks early and every day say: 25 days till rent is due….24 days till rent is due….)

I felt bad when I learned that they had been given a late fee; I felt even worse the next morning when I had that lovely little roommate discussion. She made me feel ike it was completely my fault—and it’s not! Yes it would have been courteous of me to remind my roommates--but they are in fact adults (even if they don’t act like it) and honestly it didn’t cross my mind because H is so anal and is always bossing me around and telling me what to do and when that I assumed that she had already taken care of it.

Other than taking on the blame which H decided to dump on me, I have some other issues with this morning’s encounter:

1. The wording: She doesn’t hate me, yet. Really? So she’s planning on hating me at some future point? I guess I’ve lasted a whole month without earning her complete and utter loathing, so maybe I can feel good about that fact.

2. The fact that I care that she’s apparently on the road to hating me. Which shouldn’t matter as I find her annoying and blunt and while I don’t hate her (yet) I am leaning past indifference into active dislike.

3. The fact that she was able to talk the manager out of the late fee. That she was able to do this while the pleas of my other roommate fell on deaf ears is a testament to H’s complete and utterly annoying obnoxious personality. Only her incessant whining and complaining could wear down the manager.

4. I understand that money is tight, and that the late fee was expensive, but that should be even more motivation to PAY ON TIME. Learn to be an adult. If it’s hard to remember stuff, write it down! I’ve only lived here a month, but it sounds like paying rent on time is a difficult thing for my new roommates. H needs to grow up, because I don’t want to mother her (especially since if I did my ‘child’ would be older than me).

5. The fact that I didn’t want to mother her and tell her when and how to do grown up things made me question if I could ever be a mother. This one really bothers me and is obviously not my roommate’s fault--but this crazy thought did cross my mind. I honestly had to reassure myself that it would be different when I had my own children (if only because my children will actually be younger than me).

6. It made me feel like a jerk. She made me feel like a terrible person because I didn’t remind her to pay her rent. I think that we are both at fault (with the teeter-totter of blame tilting towards the ground a lot more on her side than on mine). I could have been more courteous and asked if she had paid rent. She could have paid her rent (Problem solved).

7. I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if she had actually had to pay her late fee. I really think she might have killed me….

Maybe along with ‘stranger danger’ we should also be teaching the rising generation “roommate danger” i.e. don’t move in with psychos!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Piece of Paper

During my first week of institute, one of my fellow students, while introducing himself, decided to go off on a tangent about how he had decided that going to a university wasn’t for him, so he had dropped out of school after two years. He told the class that he believed in self-education and didn’t need a piece of paper to prove that he was intelligent.

Um, excuse me, but I have a diploma and I don’t use it to prove I’m intelligent (I use it to prove that I am hardworking and diligent and can achieve my goals, which are all talents that I used to earn my diploma...). A diploma doesn’t show that you are intelligent, it shows that you are educated (and by his antics, this fellow student showed me that he is neither intelligent or educated).

Perhaps I’m just a little sensitive to this subject since I just recently earned this so-called ‘piece of paper’ but I truly wanted to slap this guy. I’m not putting this guy down because he didn’t get his degree; I’m putting him down because he put down my degree in order to justify his own life. I find the derogatory use of “piece of paper” in place of the word “diploma” highly irritating, if not out-and-out offensive. I worked hard for my degree, and I learned a lot through my courses as well as through self-directed study. My diploma is literally a piece of paper, but it is symbolic of hours of hard work and of the many lessons and principles learned. So, I truly despise when people try to diminish my efforts in achieving my goal of earning my diploma by calling it just a piece of paper, because it truly is so much more than that.

Also, I worked for my degree not to impress other people, but rather to better myself and to grow as a person (impressing other people is just a bonus. And in today’s world a diploma is almost a necessity in getting a decent job).

A college education opens many doors in society, and I highly believe in education so I would encourage everyone to get their education, but I don’t look down on this fellow institute student because he doesn’t have a degree. I don't look down on anyone for not having a degree. Throughout his little tirade I felt that he was protesting too much about formal education, which makes me think that perhaps he is insecure with his decision to drop out of school and is trying to justify it in every public (and probably private) venue where he can find a soapbox to preach from.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

My New Diet

My coworker told me that she was going on a vegetarian diet in order to lose weight. Like many other diets, I have quickly decided that this weight loss option is not for me. Unlike other diets this one was not rejected simply based on my lack of self-control.

I could go on a vegetarian diet, but it would be completely pointless, because my guilty pleasure foods are lacking meat already: brownies, ice cream, potato chips….

Meat is not my dietary pitfall. In fact, I don’t eat meat that often—especially if I am the one doing the cooking. I am by no means I vegetarian, but I have an aversion to touching raw meat, so I rarely prepare meat entrees for myself (I’m definitely more of a carb girl anyhow).

I guess that I could show off to people that I too am on a vegetarian diet, but then in a few weeks they’ll probably be asking why I’m gaining weight.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Crazy Ward

A few weeks ago I ward activity. This was my second week in this ward and I decided to attempt being sociable. I went up to a guy I recognized from my apartment complex and introduced myself as his neighbor. One of the first things out of his mouth was, “then why don’t you come to church?” which was said with a biting tone.

Sometimes I don’t know why I even try. Actually most of the time I wonder why I even try. Some people are so dumb, and rude, and so not worth the time or effort it takes to talk to them.

Needless to say I was more than a little taken aback by his comment, wondering why that would be any of his business as well as if he only found people worth associating with if they went to church? I kindly informed my new neighbor that I had just moved in, holding back all my snarky comments about how I’d been to church every week and then asking him why he hadn’t noticed me before (withholding from him that while I had been to church in this ward every week, I had only been there for two weeks…) and also resisting the lie that was forming on my lips about how I was inactive and had only recently begun attending again but after a condescending greeting like that I was thinking of not coming back…ever.

Thankfully, our conversation soon ended. I’m pretty sure though that if he ever does talk to me again, this great missionary will be asking me my name and why I never come to church, because there’s no chance that he will remember meeting me. I hate guys that like. I feel like a lot of guys at church, and other places, only feel its worth their time getting to know a girl if they are attracted to her.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Do Not Touch

I am no priceless painting. In fact I probably fall closer in the realm to street graffiti. Despite this, if things continue on as they have at work I may have to get myself a personalized museum plaque to wear as necklace warning people, “DO NOT TOUCH.”

I have been at my current job for less than a month and already I have been rubbed on the back by no less than 3 different persons! I can’t believe that this sort of behavior is happening in the workplace. We are all on friendly terms, but I do not like to be touched. Also, the touch sends the message of a superior/insubordinate relationship, with the receiver needing to be comforted. And guess what: the person being given the unwanted back rubs is not the superior…

Don’t get me wrong, I am a closed off person and would not like these types of back rubs from near-strangers ever (some people might argue that my coworkers are not near strangers-but that still does not make the back rubs appropriate, ever. And also, these people would be WRONG, because really how well do you know your coworkers? With my coworkers I know a little about their life and family, but rarely do we get beyond small talk: thus they are near strangers).

Also, because I am a closed off person, if you are trying to be my friend by giving me a friendly backrub then you are approaching this situation all wrong, because it is deeply irritating, not to mention super AWKWARD, thus, not the best approach to becoming my new BFF. Also, if you can’t read the signals that you are making me incredibly uncomfortable such as my shoulders hunching up and me trying to escape into the floor, I question your IQ level and probably don’t want to be friends with you anyways.

So folks, hands off and do not touch. This no touching policy* is not limited to back rubs, but includes pretty much all forms physical contact, and perhaps most especially hugs.

*Policy is not as strictly enforced when it comes to close friends and family and most especially to attractive persons of the opposite sex.