Friday, September 2, 2011

Do Not Touch

I am no priceless painting. In fact I probably fall closer in the realm to street graffiti. Despite this, if things continue on as they have at work I may have to get myself a personalized museum plaque to wear as necklace warning people, “DO NOT TOUCH.”


I have been at my current job for less than a month and already I have been rubbed on the back by no less than 3 different persons! I can’t believe that this sort of behavior is happening in the workplace. We are all on friendly terms, but I do not like to be touched. Also, the touch sends the message of a superior/insubordinate relationship, with the receiver needing to be comforted. And guess what: the person being given the unwanted back rubs is not the superior…


Don’t get me wrong, I am a closed off person and would not like these types of back rubs from near-strangers ever (some people might argue that my coworkers are not near strangers-but that still does not make the back rubs appropriate, ever. And also, these people would be WRONG, because really how well do you know your coworkers? With my coworkers I know a little about their life and family, but rarely do we get beyond small talk: thus they are near strangers).


Also, because I am a closed off person, if you are trying to be my friend by giving me a friendly backrub then you are approaching this situation all wrong, because it is deeply irritating, not to mention super AWKWARD, thus, not the best approach to becoming my new BFF. Also, if you can’t read the signals that you are making me incredibly uncomfortable such as my shoulders hunching up and me trying to escape into the floor, I question your IQ level and probably don’t want to be friends with you anyways.


So folks, hands off and do not touch. This no touching policy* is not limited to back rubs, but includes pretty much all forms physical contact, and perhaps most especially hugs.


*Policy is not as strictly enforced when it comes to close friends and family and most especially to attractive persons of the opposite sex.


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